Written by: N. Emma
Longtime conspiracy thriller sci-fi novelist, Gerard Watkins, has filed suit against National Security Agency whistleblower Edward Snowden and his journalistic cohort, Glenn Greenwald in the Southern District court of New York today. The complaint alleges that Edward Snowden and Glenn Greenwald “recreated the exact plotlines” found in the most recent draft of Mr. Watkin’s forthcoming novel – “All Eyes On You” which was set for publication in early August of 2014. Due to the disclosures made by Edward Snowden and published by Glenn Greenwald, the release of Mr. Watkins upcoming novel has been postponed indefinitely.
In addition, Mr. Watkins seeks compensation for “spoliation of the ending” of his novel wherein an NSA whistleblower provides evidence to a hard-hitting journalist that the National Security Agency is collecting data wholesale from the American public. The main character is then forced to flee to Moscow for asylum.
When asked about the seriousness of the disclosures Mr. Watkins gave a surprising response. He said, “sure it’s bad for the country, but think about me. Who is going to read this book now that this information is public? I’ve spent the last fourteen years of my life researching and writing this novel and now the cat is out of the bag. Just like that.” When asked a more pointed question about Snowden he responded, “yes, it’s all great and dandy what he did for the country, I suppose, but couldn’t he have waited until after my book came out?”
The complaint alleges that the events included in his novel were “far too ridiculous” to have actually happened in real life. Watkins said, “I even wrote a scene where the plane of a foreign dignitary was downed on the suspicion that the whistleblower was on board” because it sounded, “like the stupidest diplomatic move a government could make.” Mr. Watkins stressed that he never imagined any of it would actually happen. In another shocking twist, Mr. Watkins spoke about the portion of his novel where “the whistleblower’s passport” was revoked and the “journalist’s partner was interrogated” because of obscure terrorism laws. He added that he almost didn’t include the part of the book where those in power “clamored for the assassination of one and the prosecution of the other” because he thought it was “too dystopian even for science fiction.” He followed up by saying, “I guess sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.”
Mr. Watkins and his attorney’s claim that by exposing documents surrounding the existence of a real life surveillance apparatus of the National Security Agency, Edward Snowden and Glenn Greenwald negate the reader’s ability to follow the fictional storyline that follows a virtually congruent path. As such, the plaintiff, Mr. Watkins argues that Glenn Greenwald and Edward Snowden owe him compensation for the loss of projected sales, pre-orders, and eBooks that he expected to sell, “like hotcakes” according to the complaint. Mr. Watkins and his attorney argue, “the book would have sold millions of copies if not for the disclosures made by Edward Snowden and Glenn Greenwald.” The complaint suggests $600 million dollars in damages to be paid by the whistleblower in exile and muckraking journalist.
The case is Watkins vs. Snowden and Greenwald et al.
N. Emma is an expert of fluidity and digestion. She reports on politics when not providing relief to those in need.
This article is satirical.